Oh! You're alive?

I guess when you’re locked up and have no one to talk to, your mind has a little breather and your creative juices start flowing again. I had spent almost a year without a thought to record, and today this is my second one and counting.

First of all, hello Emerald!

 Ever since Kony mind-fucked us, you hadn’t seen the light of day! Welcome back to my life. It’s pretty screwed up how the Kony thing died down in my mind… I was so enthusiastic to help. I jumped in as quick as I could, told the people that matter most to me, and here we are, mid-September, and not a sign on where the bastard could be. And I don’t think of him unless I stumble upon that t-shirt I bought… Many times I feel I have no power to help them. I didn’t feel like I did by getting a bracelet, I didn’t feel like it when I donate $10 dollars to the cause, and now that it’s just a memory, I don’t even feel there’s anymore hope for those poor children. The media fed me so many opinions, so many images at once; all my head did was just shut the thought of the whole thing down. But all in all, even if every month my bank account is overdrawn because of it, I’m glad that I still have the automatic donations to the Kony 2012 program; because if they do catch the asshole, I can say I did care… at least for a while.

 Sooo, back to reality! I pretty sure you’re expecting anecdotes about someone, or a mute, or a fruit, or maybe that one person you love…

Yep Emerald, you know me all to well. But I want to keep the juices flowing, so that’ll be for another entry.

 Let’s talk about something else for a change..

KONY 2012

With every word written here, I've felt, at least, a bit of closure, because I feel that in one way or another I have released my opinion. People may or may not read, but it is a relaxing to know that I have a voice and I can use it for good.

For the past 26 years, Joseph Kony has been abducting Central African children to become part of his rebel army 'Lord's Resistance Army'. This man has scared these children into believing in what he says, and make them kill for the sake of his own power. He needs to be stopped.

The only way to stop him is if the whole world knows of him and his actions.
To whomever reads this simple blog, help the unknown children of Central Africa. Help the Invisible Children.
We only have this year to capture him, we need to make the days count.
The more we share the story of this sick man, the faster we can find him and bring him to justice.

http://youtu.be/Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Educate yourslef, and become a savior.

Use your voice.

Screaming Silence

Since I can't speak to you, I might as well pretend you might read this, just to vent.

Although you want me to forget you, I'm the type of person that can act like I don't remember. But it doesn't mean I don't think of you time to time. It's impossible for me to forget someone I shared my life with.

I sincerely see you as a friend, someone I can trust and talk to without being judged.

I don't blame you for asking me to leave you alone to live your life in peace.. I understand.
But I have this immense urge to talk to you, see how you are, share what's going on in your life...

I am trying to be the friend I had the chance of being before, and give you the space you need.

Regardless of what you dreamt, or what you assume will happen with me, I don't think anything will change just so you know.

Im stuck on the person I love now

breathe [ENC 1102]

And entry number 2:
Enjoy!


Going through my daily rituals, following them religiously, I was interrupted this afternoon by something not on schedule; not in my plans.

Wake Up
School
CafeCultura
Home
Work
Home
Sleep

CafeCultura wasn't going to take place in the same sit-down and speak atmosphere, no. The chilly winds invited us all to go to the pavillion and listen to what 'Slam Poetry' was all about. Time was ticking. Since CC was cancelled, I had an extra hour to kill. What the heck.. I won't even sit! That way I can leave without making a scene if it's boring.

And then Asia came along and told us all to just "Breathe."
"Because anything worth happening
Happens between the inhale and the exhale
Between conception and death
And time fills the spaces between
with the beat by which we tune our breath"

And I could feel the the knot in my throat getting tighter and tighter.

"Time is ticking,
Slipping faster than we can expect
So I can't afford anymore time
trying to define what comes next
I am living now, I am living today
I am living as if the entire world is my stage"

So many thoughts pulling the knot on each end,
Making it hard to listen.
I bite my tounge, so the pain drifts away.
But it's only for a moment
Until I can feel it tightening again,
My mind is exploding, the pain consumes my shoulders as well
And Im just lost.
Until right then, after clenching my eyes,
I hear his voice soften,
Eyes wide open
He tells us to just
breathe.

Pardon me... [ENC 1102]

Well.. I had an ENC1102 class I had to write for.. and I only worte 2 entries. This is entry number 1:


Alright, so I'm supposed to write here for credit...
I find it a challenge to write on a normal basis. I tend to write when Im really really mad, or just a little sad.

Today, I am furious.

Not a lot has been going well for me and my boyfriend. We've been fighting for the past four days, and it's getting on my last nerve.


Those days we look each other in the eye, and see the love sprouting all about.
The scent of the gardenia we found on the street that afternoon still lives.
Your voice on the phone late at night, trying not to shout.
I can feel your warm hands on my face when cold hits.
It's al here; in my mind. In my heart.

But you're far away now
And somehow
Everything we felt doesn't matter.
You don't care,
I don't care,
It doesn't matter.

What is wrong with us?!
Everyday ending in a fuss.
Tormenting each other with the past,
when all we want is time to slip fast
to that day we were on the rooftop
watching the sun set.
Oh, that sunset.
Where our eyes turned to that hue of orange...

What is wrong with us?
It might not be time to be with one another,
but know, that by blaming each other,
we grow apart,
and although we're miles away
let me just say
that the tears that I have shed
will not go to waste.

I gotta keep writing!

Forgive and Forget

"Optimism is an illusion."

I choose to live the illusion of being happy with everything around me.

I feel that, with a little optimisim, I can forget all things wrong.
It's what makes me sleep better at nights.

I'm not always optimistic.

I have my doubts.

But hopefully that will change.

Late Valentine

To fall in love...
Who knows how to?
We are all set to believe that we fall in love when we hear our hearts betting as hard as a drum in the moment we see that special person.

My heart beats, every single time I think of him...
But I was never in love.
It's just the thought of never having that chance to realize if we were actually in love.

They say that if you love someone, let them go. If they come back, their yours; if they don't, they never were yours to begin with.
I wonder what would've happened if I went back... Would he let the quote's philosophy become?

But that's just supposing I didn't fall in love.


I might be too young to say I'm in love...
But I'm pretty sure this damn close.

How do I know?
I think it because I want to tell him everysingle second of my life.. but of course, that's what a best friend is for....
Maybe it's because everywhere I go, I think of what reminds me of him...
Or maybe it's the fact that he's the only person in the world that I let to touch my hair...
Or everytime I see our pictures, I can't wait to take more pictures of us together...

But then again... it sound a lot like a best friend to me.
A person I can't trust.
A person who will act stupid with me.
A person who laughs a my jokes, just because they are not funny at all.
A person who'd do anything for me.

A person I'd care for, for who they are. Every flaw, every perfection.
That's who I think I love.

Do you know why else?
Because I let him go...





and he came back.

I know I'm going to regret this.

I need to hear or read one of your uplifting lectures of how life will keep going on. You might have damned me 'til I die, but I'm willing to hear the insults as long as you cheer me up in the end. Could you lend me your shoulder without judging me, or falling?

All I ask is not to be judged because of the past.
Please.