"Zen, pronounced [zeɴ] in Japanese, A school of Mahayana Buddhism that asserts that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition rather than through faith and devotion and that is practiced mainly in China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam."...That's what dictionaries might say, but my Zen is like one of those anti-drug kinda things for me ((No I'm NOT on drugs)) but it's my way of sounding out the world, imagining what my prefect life would be like, not thinking of problems and doubts I have... Zen
Zen... A way of expressing myself without being criticized or controlled... A way that the real me can just come out, while thousands of thoughts stay in... Where my happiness is the most important thing of all... Where I can dream I'm just laying on the grass looking at the clouds; or on a rooftop, stargazing... Zen
Zen... It doesn't come out much, but when it does I'll feel like I'm floating on air, doing anything my heart desires... Zen
Zen... But as it comes, it leaves... Leaving me alone in the real world... Reminding me of life... Zen
Zen... As a small tear escapes, I'm conscious that time is coming and going so fast, and I feel I'm lost, scared and alone...
Zen
26 February 2007
22 February 2007
As we grow up...
we notice that the world spins, that people change, that technology will take over our brains, that there are rich and there are poor, and that you can't turn back time.
..."And in that moment I spun my head and he was there. I turned away; he wouldn't disappear"...
My thoughts, my mind, my heart. Confusion, and the fear of rejection. A pair not so good. Blaming a new love for what the old one did.
He came to me, but with help I'd say. Or maybe it wasn't to me.. maybe he wanted info on a new friend.
Hope.. a word I wish not to hear,
For it is hope that leads to my fear.
Fear of rejection
And fear of the unloved.
Were you worth it? Are you worth it? Or will you be my next grudge?
...
..."And in that moment I spun my head and he was there. I turned away; he wouldn't disappear"...
My thoughts, my mind, my heart. Confusion, and the fear of rejection. A pair not so good. Blaming a new love for what the old one did.
He came to me, but with help I'd say. Or maybe it wasn't to me.. maybe he wanted info on a new friend.
Hope.. a word I wish not to hear,
For it is hope that leads to my fear.
Fear of rejection
And fear of the unloved.
Were you worth it? Are you worth it? Or will you be my next grudge?
...
21 February 2007
Call me crazy...
A girl's life is so complicated. I guess when God was deciding who gets what, Adam gave him $20 and told him for all the bad things fall on us. I mean, us girls, ladies, women have to go through periods, boy trouble, pregnancy... all sorts off stuff; while guys... they just sit there, being cute!
Oh! And what about a girl's reputation?! Guys can go do every little thing their heart desires, good or bad, and still have a perfect rep; while we on the other hand, make one mistake, one tinsy winsy mistake,and our rep just dies right there.
Guys have it so great for them... those idiots I can't live without... And they confuse!! They're the most confusing thing in this world! My God! And they say we're confusing! Yeah right!! Oh! But try to get a GUY a birthday present... Can't think of anything good to give to them?? OK, now try to get a GIRL a present... Wow! Many things come in mind!! Yea, but YOU'RE NOT GETTING A GIRL A PRESENT! IT'S A GUY!!!... Wait... Wtf?! What the hell am I talking about?! xD!
Back to guys being confusing... ... ... LOOK! They're soooo damn confusing, I totally forgot what I was gonna write! GRRRR!
XD Boys...
Can't live with 'em
Can't live without 'em
15 February 2007
My Valentine
This was meant for yesterday... but I wasn't here sooo... :D
A day like this, a year ago, was full of joy and wonder; so, why wasn't this year better?
Between the heart & chocolate exchanges, all I thought about was flowers... roses... a pink rose... and a funny guy outside the class window holding it up, showing that the rose was for me... That's ALL I thought about today. Heck! Even with the gifts I received, I kinda got a little depressed, waiting for my pink rose.
I don't know what I was thinking.. waiting so eager that pink rose, knowing it wouldn't come. But what the hell... who cares, right? I'ma go out with my "friends" to have a good time today... Op! Yea! We're here! *walk walk walk* Oh shit! The Mimi! WTF!
Uff...
Happy Valentine's Day.
:D
No, 'cuz what started out as to be a nice calming blog, became a mean "desahogo".
So, as I was saying... my pink rose never came; but I can't say I didn't have a bad time...
A day like this, a year ago, was full of joy and wonder; so, why wasn't this year better?
Between the heart & chocolate exchanges, all I thought about was flowers... roses... a pink rose... and a funny guy outside the class window holding it up, showing that the rose was for me... That's ALL I thought about today. Heck! Even with the gifts I received, I kinda got a little depressed, waiting for my pink rose.
I don't know what I was thinking.. waiting so eager that pink rose, knowing it wouldn't come. But what the hell... who cares, right? I'ma go out with my "friends" to have a good time today... Op! Yea! We're here! *walk walk walk* Oh shit! The Mimi! WTF!
Uff...
Happy Valentine's Day.
:D
No, 'cuz what started out as to be a nice calming blog, became a mean "desahogo".
So, as I was saying... my pink rose never came; but I can't say I didn't have a bad time...
12 February 2007
For a friend...
As I looked through old pictures, I wonder what went wrong. You were happy, I was happy. It all seemed to go so fast.
Should I have apologized? ... No. It was YOUR fault. YOU started it...
...Regardless of who hit who, we fought, knowing that fighting would make our lives miserable... or at least it was for me. Not talking to you those months were like centuries in hell. Every single hour, I thought about you. Everything I ever talked about, found a way to YOU.
...But then again, you did apologize; for everything you said, everything you did... And I forgave you. But by then, I had assured my feelings for you had all been washed away, that they had all vanished, that we would be only still the best of friends.
...I should have apologized. Maybe if I did, we'd still be best friends... Frenzfo'eva... not these two people who act like they barely know each other. But... If that's life, we have to go on. Go on, forget the past, live the present, and party the future.
*A hug* <-- I actually really miss those... a lot.
I'm happy for you... I just hope your happy for me.
Should I have apologized? ... No. It was YOUR fault. YOU started it...
...Regardless of who hit who, we fought, knowing that fighting would make our lives miserable... or at least it was for me. Not talking to you those months were like centuries in hell. Every single hour, I thought about you. Everything I ever talked about, found a way to YOU.
...But then again, you did apologize; for everything you said, everything you did... And I forgave you. But by then, I had assured my feelings for you had all been washed away, that they had all vanished, that we would be only still the best of friends.
...I should have apologized. Maybe if I did, we'd still be best friends... Frenzfo'eva... not these two people who act like they barely know each other. But... If that's life, we have to go on. Go on, forget the past, live the present, and party the future.
*A hug* <-- I actually really miss those... a lot.
I'm happy for you... I just hope your happy for me.
03 February 2007
Me he dado cuenta...
I wrote this a really short time ago, like around the 26th, but I never got to publish it until now.. ((Wrong Timing))
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los rubios, ojos azules son lindos.
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los santos son sinceros.
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los amigos son los mejores.
Me he dado cuenta que por mas vueltas que des, habra gente que te quiere, y otros que no.
Me he dado cuanta que lo comun puede ser diferente.
Me he dado cuenta que existe la depresion amorosa.
Me he dado cuenta que nos vemos mejor si solo somos nosotros.
Me he dado cuenta que la solucion no es desahogarse; es llorar.
Me he dado cuenta que tenemos que olvidar el pasado para vivir el presente.
Me he dado cuenta que no hay psicologia inversa, sino mentiras.
Me he dado cuenta que me gusta laatencion de otros.
Me he dado cuenta que no te odio; te extraño.
Me he dado cuenta que lo malo es malo y lo bueno es bueno.
Me he dado cuenta que no importa perderte, es miedo de estar sola.
Me he dado cuenta que toda alma es gemela.
Y me he dado cuenta que si consigo tenerte en mis brazos, te rechasare; si no lo consigo, muero.
:D .. Coffee!
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los rubios, ojos azules son lindos.
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los santos son sinceros.
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los amigos son los mejores.
Me he dado cuenta que por mas vueltas que des, habra gente que te quiere, y otros que no.
Me he dado cuanta que lo comun puede ser diferente.
Me he dado cuenta que existe la depresion amorosa.
Me he dado cuenta que nos vemos mejor si solo somos nosotros.
Me he dado cuenta que la solucion no es desahogarse; es llorar.
Me he dado cuenta que tenemos que olvidar el pasado para vivir el presente.
Me he dado cuenta que no hay psicologia inversa, sino mentiras.
Me he dado cuenta que me gusta laatencion de otros.
Me he dado cuenta que no te odio; te extraño.
Me he dado cuenta que lo malo es malo y lo bueno es bueno.
Me he dado cuenta que no importa perderte, es miedo de estar sola.
Me he dado cuenta que toda alma es gemela.
Y me he dado cuenta que si consigo tenerte en mis brazos, te rechasare; si no lo consigo, muero.
:D .. Coffee!
02 February 2007
The End...
I started this blog for one reason: To have "another thing in common" w/ the Mimi. But of course.. I never told him about it because I only write about my boy trouble.
Today, I actually really came to the real conclusion of my emperre w/ him and that boy trouble has me crazy. ((Noo! This is NOT my last blog)) xD
My "emperre" started around August,a few weeks after we first talked ((A little too fast I'd say)). He IS fun, he IS nice, and he IS kinda cute; I have to admit. But my frustrations over him was because I wanted to get rid of someone I had in mind for such a long time, so badly, that I started to like the first person I could think of. As I said before, he's fun & nice, what's not to like; but he wasn't really what I was looking for. Liking him was making me do stupid stuff I never used to like, it was making me practically hate people I didn't even know well, and a series of things more. I was FRUSTRATED; and of course even more frustrated that he didn't like me back... and since he's really nice, he makes others feel nice, too.. so you can just imagine how I felt when he called me "Dear Karina" or "Cute" or any of the many little things that made me blush. I melted every single time.. Ahh... that Mimi... he's really something.. I never had anything to say to him, so asked him about the girl he likes... almost every single time I talked to him (which was almost never). He got tired of it the other day and told me it was "personal", to not ask him about it again.. but the days before i asked him that, he would just go on and on about her.. He really does like her.. She's seems nice and she's very pretty. I hope in the future the have something cuz he's almost as frustrated as I was..
Anyway.. I'm not saying I'm completely and totally over him; but I've thought well.
[c=48][b]Emmanuel[/b][/c] dice:
y Mimi?
~£Ġ~ ...¬¬ I don't believe in perfect love dice:
Casi casi fuera de me mente..
[c=48][b]Emmanuel[/b][/c] dice:
ohh
~£Ġ~ ...¬¬ I don't believe in perfect love dice:
estoy mas happy.. me di cuenta que cuando me frustre y emperre con ese tipo, era para sakar a alguien de mi mente rapido.. y de verdad no me di cuenta de que me estaba haciendo daño..
This is how it all ended.
Friendly and hopeful...
Today, I actually really came to the real conclusion of my emperre w/ him and that boy trouble has me crazy. ((Noo! This is NOT my last blog)) xD
My "emperre" started around August,a few weeks after we first talked ((A little too fast I'd say)). He IS fun, he IS nice, and he IS kinda cute; I have to admit. But my frustrations over him was because I wanted to get rid of someone I had in mind for such a long time, so badly, that I started to like the first person I could think of. As I said before, he's fun & nice, what's not to like; but he wasn't really what I was looking for. Liking him was making me do stupid stuff I never used to like, it was making me practically hate people I didn't even know well, and a series of things more. I was FRUSTRATED; and of course even more frustrated that he didn't like me back... and since he's really nice, he makes others feel nice, too.. so you can just imagine how I felt when he called me "Dear Karina" or "Cute" or any of the many little things that made me blush. I melted every single time.. Ahh... that Mimi... he's really something.. I never had anything to say to him, so asked him about the girl he likes... almost every single time I talked to him (which was almost never). He got tired of it the other day and told me it was "personal", to not ask him about it again.. but the days before i asked him that, he would just go on and on about her.. He really does like her.. She's seems nice and she's very pretty. I hope in the future the have something cuz he's almost as frustrated as I was..
Anyway.. I'm not saying I'm completely and totally over him; but I've thought well.
[c=48][b]Emmanuel[/b][/c] dice:
y Mimi?
~£Ġ~ ...¬¬ I don't believe in perfect love dice:
Casi casi fuera de me mente..
[c=48][b]Emmanuel[/b][/c] dice:
ohh
~£Ġ~ ...¬¬ I don't believe in perfect love dice:
estoy mas happy.. me di cuenta que cuando me frustre y emperre con ese tipo, era para sakar a alguien de mi mente rapido.. y de verdad no me di cuenta de que me estaba haciendo daño..
This is how it all ended.
Friendly and hopeful...
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