Thkns Ian!

Somthing differently similar

I write what I like, what I think, what I want, and what I don't. The pure truth is I write about me.

Unconsciently, I don't say everything I want to say, but I'm kind of understood. But when I do say something, consider it. If it's a lie, I'll end up telling you in the future, at the most random place and time, but I will tell you.

Basically, I'm not brave; I don't like the truth when know the error was mine; but preferably, always tell me the truth, cuz I will find the truth.

Usually, I'm thinking. Of time. Of life. Of what I'll learn today. Of what problems I haven't solved. I'm a living thought.

Originally, my originality was original, until I made friends who are worse than cancer; but I'd die for them. The only difference between cancer in my friends, other than I don't have cancer, is that if I lose a friend I end up dying.

The best advice I've learned from has been "Nadie aprende por consejo ajeno", which means "No one learns from others advice"... it is so true. Thnx Marina.

I admire people like my mom, my grandma, my brothers, my dad. They're not flawless, but at the end we're all just a bunch of mistakes. I am not perfect, and I know for a fact that God isn't perfect either. You, me, everyone has to live with it.

The best example of perfection we had was the earth. But our imperfection has already fucked it up.

Lost in thought, I used to think LOVE was finding perfection; but just to find love you need to be perfectly prepared for all the imperfection to start. Love is not bad, just a bit complicated; so when you achieve love, you've achieved something great, something you won't wanna regret. The simple thought of love should make you happy. As imperfect as it is, it gives us the sensation that nothing is imperfect.

Live. Love. Let Live. Think. You never know what will happen tomorrow.

Perez lied... honest mistake?

Perez Hilton once told all his readers that the Cuban president, Fidel Castro, had finally died. Turns out Castro's still alive.

How can it be that Perez has lied?! He's know to be the Queen of all Media!

Honest mistake?
Or is it that you can't trust what people say about others? That rumours are the fastest spreading disease in the world?

Now, if Perez needs to say something, he says it with proof.

Do we know it's actually true?

J.Lo denied she was pregnant 'til Perez found out. J.Lo had no choice but to confirm her pregnancy.

So, sometimes, rumours can be spread based on real facts.

Are you in the state of confusion?

But didn't Perez once say that he liked Amy Winehouse? He's totally telling her off now! What could have happened?

Then again, that could be all publicity, for us readers to feel suspensed or frustrated.

Now, if Perez tells you that a source told him that Nicole Richie will have an abortion, while Nicole herself denies it all, who would you believe? The crazy person you know is capable of having an abortion, or the person who spreads rumours which are almost always true?

It's unfair...

Everyday one person dies... Some days, even more than one...

It's just not fair who dies!

There are people in this world who just deserve to die!! And only the most loved ones, those people that did NOTHING to deserve death; people that could have changed the world, just go away in a blink of an eye!

It's depressing to hear the news everyday, and that EVERY SINGLE DAY SOME ONE INNOCENT DIES!

UNFAIR!

I don't know anyone of them and I suffer. Cant you just imagine what that person's family and friends feel like? It must be HELL!

I'm seriously bummed and frustrated thinking about this...

It's UNFAIR!!

Excuses

...Why do we use them? Is it another way to bend the truth? But, didn't I tell you the truth? The pure and simple truth? You, of all people, should know that the truth is barely pure and far from simple. So you do know this? Then, why is this feeling so complicated? Why do I feel like one of us will end up killing ourselves for one another? Why am I hesitating on this? Aren't I always trying to make my life perfect? Aren't I always imagining how my life should start out? All magicly and story-like? How am I letting this opportunity pass by? What's wrong with me? I think I'm trying to convince myself that my life will never be perfect. No, no... I'm trying to convince myself that I'm something I've always wanted to be. I'm trying to convince myself that "It's so hard being me." A bunch of crap I know isn't true. I want to know the origin of this "my life sucks" shit.

De aqui es que surgen los problemas psicologicas y la depresion. Tantos enrredos de la cabeza, tanto pensar. Y yo misma me pongo a pensar "Como es que la gente se puede volver loca??"... mientras que yo me siento aqui, volviendome victima lentamente.

Damn Growing Pains...

Trying so hard not to scream...

I think so much, it sickens me. The worst thing is that I think and think and think andstill make the wrong decisions... It's like all the thinking was for nothing.

I want everything to be so perfect in my life, and I try so hard.. then it just goes wrong...

I'm gonna end up killing myself one day...

No.. I wont.. but I'll end up as an old depressive hag with a million cats...

I just feel so soffacated. I can't even think anymore... and that's not a good thing...

ay ay ayy... damn growing pains!

Oh, dear. I think I'm going to cry, tonight.

You know when your head is full of thoughts and you feel it’ll explode in any second? And when it explodes you just want to blabber out everything you were thinking of, but you don’t tell anyone with the fear of what they’ll think of you? Or what you think they think of you? That’s my head all the time.

But what if you did just say everything in mind? And no one has said anything? Would your head fill up again? Would it fill up with questions this time? Or would you just go blank? … Then fill up again with thoughts of why you’re blank? What if you never thought? And there’s my head again.

Who? What? Where? When? How? WHY?

“Why?”… Why is the earth round? Why don’t I like sushi? Why do we breathe air? Why religion? Why time? Why aren’t my eyes blue? Why south? Why north? Why keep it a secret? Why do I like orange juice without sugar? Why fight? Why bother? Why ask him if he’s okay? Why tell the truth? Why smile? Why cry? Why live? Why think? Why WHY?

So many questions. And unbelievably, all the questions can be answered with one simple phrase, and fill up your head once again.

“I don’t know.”

Attention. A word everyone can understand. A noun everyone wants… at least once in a while. But if everyone clearly wants it, why is it that everyone who has it is uses it for unimportant stuff? (Or at least unimportant to the person without the attention.)

I don’t know.

Queue my point!

Exactly.

Lies

Tell me a person who fails to lie; just ONE. None in mind? None in mind.

Self-contradiction? Lie.

We live a life a lies.

And don't lie when I say we lie all the time, cuz you're just lying!

Heck!
I'm a Liar!
Deal with it!
Lair!

Famous Last Words II

War- ...no, not war...pain.

Pain- Told as of today, a year ago.
Year- Of thoughts, tears, deception.
Deception- By myself. By him.
Him- an unforgettable friend.
Friend- Person of confidence.
Confidence- Trust, reliability.
Trust- What I want back.
What I want back- No war.
War- Pain.

Tell me you don't care; I'll tell you the same. Hypothetically, of course; but I'd say it. I'm glad you're glad. Memories will flood my head, but it's in the past now. No one's fault; just someone's "deception".

A lesson learned, but not overcome. You are this thing I call my shadow. Not the best memory I have of you; but it's not the worst either.

Dead to me, but alive in heart.

Famous Last Words I

Let it burn! Make a bonfire! Dance around it drinking vodka, I dont care! You're dead to me now... October 1st? Another day to learn from! Lessons of life! Time passes fast and I'm gonna make the best of it! You might come to mind once in a while but it'll be over before you know it.

Heck! There have been 2 world wars, and the world hasn't ended!!
Peace BITCH!

Lolz!

Sleep...

to not think:

Science telling us the day the world will end.
War and Hatred is abundant among all.
Death approaching in many ways, natural and unnatural.
Good news, bad news... news!
It gets to us one way and leaves in another.
Look out the window.
Wind is blowing uncontrollably.
Can we fix it? No!
Time is slipping!
Past, Present, Future.
Words that come and never go!

Y ahora...

Thinking thoughts... Lost in thought... Thinking so much...
Past, Present, Future...
Love, Hate...
Pressure, Happiness...

Happiness: "an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction"
... or letting go and not thinking...

Let's go and think a lil' bit...
=]

The Number 23 (The.Year)

My 23rd blog entry...

23 is known to be a mystic number.
Just read here: http://afgen.com/numbr23b.html

I just find the number weird. This day a year ago (23/9/06 = 23 - 9 / 6 = 2.333333333) was the last time I hung out with my former best friend (which name all added up comes to 23 as well). Seriously I wanted to make this day a whole fuss, relating it to the number 23. But my mind is totally blank. Just watch the movie 23 and make as I had wrote something for this particular friend, thinking that one day he'll read this and reflect a little...

I'm done...

See you Oct. 1st

BTW... My b-day 8-5-91 = 23 (8+5+9+1)lol

Do I know?...

My thoughts run wild, think about anything and everything. Do I know what I want? Is it clear to me who I am from when I wake up to the second I fall asleep? Do they listen to me? Am I emotionally fine? Do I change according to seasons or to days? Am I wake? Should I do this? Should I do that? My head spinning and spinning... stops. I come back to the world, as the normal person I am. And try to concentrate yet again.

and yet again...

...i'm thinking of the past...


...but this time i'm smiling.

Throughout out this year of many many tears, pain, and thinking my life is a piece of shit I've noticed that i was absolutely wrong about my life. I mean, this year I made friends, lost friends, hated friends, loved friends and yet I kept thinking my life was crap; but that's how selfish I can be. But I'm gonna put this year behind me, cuz I only thought of my self... and i'm surprised.

but i've learned from my mistakes, and trust me
i'll be back to basics.

i said i wanted to be his friend again, he said "the truth is, i dont care about you anymore"

K: "i know... that's why i want to be your friend"
E: "for what?"

"For what?"! You have the damn nerve to ask me why the fuck I want to be friend again?!

This HURT. It hurt more than the day that we stopped talking... How could I have seen something in you?! How the hell did you become my bet friend?! WHAT WAS I THINKING!? And here I am crying in front of a damn computer screen for one motherfucking reason! All I can say is that I just hope you have a great motherfucking life... WTF am I saying!! Whatever I say wont do anything on him cuz he doesn't fucking care! GRRRRRR! COÑO! DAmn EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING CAN GO TO FUCKING HELL FOR ALL I CARE!

WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T HE CARE!!?? WHY IS HE SUCH A MOTHERFUCKING JERK?! I'M FUCKING HURT! AND FUCKING DAMN TRAGICALLY, THIS FUCKING ASS DAY WILL NOT EVER LEAVE MY MEMORIES!

FUCK YOU ALL!

Lucky You...

Funny... you got 3 numbers; I wonder if you remember why you ever played the lottery...

Grrrrrrrr! Get out! Get out! Get out!

If only dreams could come true..

It's incredible how dreams are sometimes your most wanted wishes, and how for the first time in my life, in my dreams, I said 'this is only a dream, you'll wake up later and everything will be the same. don't go.'

... I regret it... because maybe only in that dream would I be happy for whatever he was going say... Just the thought that he had to talk to me, made me happy.

I might think ' this is stupid' ... but i lost my best friend... and it hurt...

Ok... This is weird

"Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people." -- But what if distance in between is making the journey a little too hard for it to be great?

Totally confused... tragically... it's history repeating itself! Over and over again! I'm sick of it! A knot in my throat... soggy eyes!! Think I'm going nuts? I think so, too...

Ok ok! Riight! Calmly writing... munching on ice cubes.. but calm!!!

Ok... ok..

"He's out of my head" she said.

A year later, her heart aches, tears are gushing down her cheeks, then she asks "Why?" Out of nowhere comes this memory of a smile; her own smile, a real smile; suddenly it disappears. She's tossing & turning on the floor and all she hears is that same phrase, repeating itself over and over again "Olvidar el pasado, vivir el presente, gozar el futuro" - her breath is shortening, everything sounds so far away, her vision's blurry but she feel people running in; her last memory, a different smile...

TBC...

NoW

Plop!

Ask me how I live my life. Ask me what makes me cry. Ask me what makes me jump. Just ask me why.

Pressure, pain, fear of just blacking out; losing time, less life. Wanting so much , too much,. All that adds up. Causing more fear, more pressure, more pain.

Emo-like, I know. But inspiration comes in waves of many colors. My color now... black.

Kink.

One Year...

"And you will cry because time is passing too fast and you know you will lose someone close to you"

And it is incredible how that phrase is true; that as time goes by we lose pets, family, friends; that everything you do now will just be another in the past.

My memories are a huge part of me. I think too much of the past. I remember old friends and how it would be so cool to meet with them again; old moments that can't be erased not even by Mr.Clean's Supersponge. But not only happy moments that make me think, the really sad and mad moments, the moments of confusion and hope. Moments like March 9th & 10th, the last day of 9th grade, Kathy's bday, Karyna's bday, September 23rd... sadly October 1st. Those moments are what make life LIFE.

Don't you wish you could go back? Re-live those "once-in-a-lifetime" moments?

No doubt 2006 was the best year I've lived by now...

*Tear*

Zen

"Zen, pronounced [zeɴ] in Japanese, A school of Mahayana Buddhism that asserts that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition rather than through faith and devotion and that is practiced mainly in China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam."...That's what dictionaries might say, but my Zen is like one of those anti-drug kinda things for me ((No I'm NOT on drugs)) but it's my way of sounding out the world, imagining what my prefect life would be like, not thinking of problems and doubts I have... Zen

Zen... A way of expressing myself without being criticized or controlled... A way that the real me can just come out, while thousands of thoughts stay in... Where my happiness is the most important thing of all... Where I can dream I'm just laying on the grass looking at the clouds; or on a rooftop, stargazing... Zen

Zen... It doesn't come out much, but when it does I'll feel like I'm floating on air, doing anything my heart desires... Zen

Zen... But as it comes, it leaves... Leaving me alone in the real world... Reminding me of life... Zen

Zen... As a small tear escapes, I'm conscious that time is coming and going so fast, and I feel I'm lost, scared and alone...

Zen

As we grow up...

we notice that the world spins, that people change, that technology will take over our brains, that there are rich and there are poor, and that you can't turn back time.

..."And in that moment I spun my head and he was there. I turned away; he wouldn't disappear"...

My thoughts, my mind, my heart. Confusion, and the fear of rejection. A pair not so good. Blaming a new love for what the old one did.

He came to me, but with help I'd say. Or maybe it wasn't to me.. maybe he wanted info on a new friend.

Hope.. a word I wish not to hear,
For it is hope that leads to my fear.
Fear of rejection
And fear of the unloved.

Were you worth it? Are you worth it? Or will you be my next grudge?

...

Call me crazy...

A girl's life is so complicated. I guess when God was deciding who gets what, Adam gave him $20 and told him for all the bad things fall on us. I mean, us girls, ladies, women have to go through periods, boy trouble, pregnancy... all sorts off stuff; while guys... they just sit there, being cute!

Oh! And what about a girl's reputation?! Guys can go do every little thing their heart desires, good or bad, and still have a perfect rep; while we on the other hand, make one mistake, one tinsy winsy mistake,and our rep just dies right there.

Guys have it so great for them... those idiots I can't live without... And they confuse!! They're the most confusing thing in this world! My God! And they say we're confusing! Yeah right!! Oh! But try to get a GUY a birthday present... Can't think of anything good to give to them?? OK, now try to get a GIRL a present... Wow! Many things come in mind!! Yea, but YOU'RE NOT GETTING A GIRL A PRESENT! IT'S A GUY!!!... Wait... Wtf?! What the hell am I talking about?! xD!

Back to guys being confusing... ... ... LOOK! They're soooo damn confusing, I totally forgot what I was gonna write! GRRRR!

XD Boys...
Can't live with 'em
Can't live without 'em

My Valentine

This was meant for yesterday... but I wasn't here sooo... :D

A day like this, a year ago, was full of joy and wonder; so, why wasn't this year better?

Between the heart & chocolate exchanges, all I thought about was flowers... roses... a pink rose... and a funny guy outside the class window holding it up, showing that the rose was for me... That's ALL I thought about today. Heck! Even with the gifts I received, I kinda got a little depressed, waiting for my pink rose.

I don't know what I was thinking.. waiting so eager that pink rose, knowing it wouldn't come. But what the hell... who cares, right? I'ma go out with my "friends" to have a good time today... Op! Yea! We're here! *walk walk walk* Oh shit! The Mimi! WTF!

Uff...
Happy Valentine's Day.

:D

No, 'cuz what started out as to be a nice calming blog, became a mean "desahogo".

So, as I was saying... my pink rose never came; but I can't say I didn't have a bad time...

For a friend...

As I looked through old pictures, I wonder what went wrong. You were happy, I was happy. It all seemed to go so fast.

Should I have apologized? ... No. It was YOUR fault. YOU started it...

...Regardless of who hit who, we fought, knowing that fighting would make our lives miserable... or at least it was for me. Not talking to you those months were like centuries in hell. Every single hour, I thought about you. Everything I ever talked about, found a way to YOU.

...But then again, you did apologize; for everything you said, everything you did... And I forgave you. But by then, I had assured my feelings for you had all been washed away, that they had all vanished, that we would be only still the best of friends.

...I should have apologized. Maybe if I did, we'd still be best friends... Frenzfo'eva... not these two people who act like they barely know each other. But... If that's life, we have to go on. Go on, forget the past, live the present, and party the future.

*A hug* <-- I actually really miss those... a lot.

I'm happy for you... I just hope your happy for me.

Me he dado cuenta...

I wrote this a really short time ago, like around the 26th, but I never got to publish it until now.. ((Wrong Timing))

Me he dado cuenta que no todos los rubios, ojos azules son lindos.
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los santos son sinceros.
Me he dado cuenta que no todos los amigos son los mejores.
Me he dado cuenta que por mas vueltas que des, habra gente que te quiere, y otros que no.
Me he dado cuanta que lo comun puede ser diferente.
Me he dado cuenta que existe la depresion amorosa.
Me he dado cuenta que nos vemos mejor si solo somos nosotros.
Me he dado cuenta que la solucion no es desahogarse; es llorar.
Me he dado cuenta que tenemos que olvidar el pasado para vivir el presente.
Me he dado cuenta que no hay psicologia inversa, sino mentiras.
Me he dado cuenta que me gusta laatencion de otros.
Me he dado cuenta que no te odio; te extraño.
Me he dado cuenta que lo malo es malo y lo bueno es bueno.
Me he dado cuenta que no importa perderte, es miedo de estar sola.
Me he dado cuenta que toda alma es gemela.
Y me he dado cuenta que si consigo tenerte en mis brazos, te rechasare; si no lo consigo, muero.

:D .. Coffee!

The End...

I started this blog for one reason: To have "another thing in common" w/ the Mimi. But of course.. I never told him about it because I only write about my boy trouble.

Today, I actually really came to the real conclusion of my emperre w/ him and that boy trouble has me crazy. ((Noo! This is NOT my last blog)) xD

My "emperre" started around August,a few weeks after we first talked ((A little too fast I'd say)). He IS fun, he IS nice, and he IS kinda cute; I have to admit. But my frustrations over him was because I wanted to get rid of someone I had in mind for such a long time, so badly, that I started to like the first person I could think of. As I said before, he's fun & nice, what's not to like; but he wasn't really what I was looking for. Liking him was making me do stupid stuff I never used to like, it was making me practically hate people I didn't even know well, and a series of things more. I was FRUSTRATED; and of course even more frustrated that he didn't like me back... and since he's really nice, he makes others feel nice, too.. so you can just imagine how I felt when he called me "Dear Karina" or "Cute" or any of the many little things that made me blush. I melted every single time.. Ahh... that Mimi... he's really something.. I never had anything to say to him, so asked him about the girl he likes... almost every single time I talked to him (which was almost never). He got tired of it the other day and told me it was "personal", to not ask him about it again.. but the days before i asked him that, he would just go on and on about her.. He really does like her.. She's seems nice and she's very pretty. I hope in the future the have something cuz he's almost as frustrated as I was..

Anyway.. I'm not saying I'm completely and totally over him; but I've thought well.

[c=48][b]Emmanuel[/b][/c] dice:
y Mimi?
~£Ġ~ ...¬¬ I don't believe in perfect love dice:
Casi casi fuera de me mente..
[c=48][b]Emmanuel[/b][/c] dice:
ohh
~£Ġ~ ...¬¬ I don't believe in perfect love dice:
estoy mas happy.. me di cuenta que cuando me frustre y emperre con ese tipo, era para sakar a alguien de mi mente rapido.. y de verdad no me di cuenta de que me estaba haciendo daño..

This is how it all ended.
Friendly and hopeful...

Ponte a pensar...

Hay personas q te quieren
Hay personas q te aman
Hay personas q te odian
Y hay personas q te extrañan

Hay personas q rien contigo
Hay personas q lloran por ti
Hay personas q solo piensan en tu vida
Y hay hasta personas q pierden la vida por ti

Aunque tu no te des cuenta
Siempre habra un amigo q te quiera
Y aunque tu no lo veas
Siempre habra alguien q te entienda

Ve quienes son tus amigos
Los q te quieren de verdad
Los q rien y lloran contigo
Los q no te hacen sentir mal

A esas personas q te quieren
Tu tambien las tienes q querer
Por q son de esas amistades
Que nunca se van a perder.

Yo lo unico q digo
Es q te valoro en realidad
No por lo q usas o por lo q tienes
Si no por q te quiero de verdad.

Hay personas que nunca
Dejan de pensar en ti
porque les importas
demasiado

Santiago In Flames.. Best Concert Evaa!

Alessa Hills, 9.8, Ryu, Fuel the Fire, and The Leap rock out loud! YOU GUYS ROCK!!!

RiP P.

Something, no, someone inspired me to right tonight.

She made me see that life can come and go in just a second; that our lives are just an accident waiting to happen.

I never even knew you, hon, but I want you to know, that everyone misses you here.

Happy late 17th Birthday, too.

I wanna stay in love with my sorrow...

It seems to me I'm not the one for you. You live in this fantasy world that you won't come out of even if you were starving and a hot dog was outside waiting for you.

I felt we had a click, but I guess you didn't. So, let me see if I can force the click in you... ... ... nope, it didn't work. Either that, or you are so much slower than I thought you were. My friends even tried to force the click, but nothing. They keep telling me you're not the right guy, trying to avoid me getting hurt... again. But I'm just ignoring them all.

I guess that click really hit me...

I'm right here...

Confused, as always; wanting to get what you want; but wanting what you want, knowing that you don't have it, confuses you into wanting it more and more, until you must have it, while no one else can; making what you want more valuable than it was originally. You want it so badly now, that all you can think of is having it already, not knowing that wanting what you want is consuming you entirely and not letting you live.

But what if what you want is essential in your life...

So is it?